Raw honesty..

In my last post I talked about how honesty is a huge part of weight loss. So, I figured I would be honest with you all about where I have been in my journey..

Well. I've been flopping. Up 5 lbs.. Down 5lbs.. Up 6 pounds down 7lbs.. Up 7lbs.. You get the idea. 

My weight has flucuated up and down for months now. Why?! My head is not in the game. You see, back in March when I had the miscarriage I lost trust in my body. I didn't trust it to do what it was supposed to any more. Felt like my body failed me so I was going to fail it. So I started to half ass my workouts, eating more calories than I should then blaming my body for it all. 

My focus has been off. My mind isn't clear and head hasn't been in the game. You see, the relationship you have with yourself is no different than any other relationship. When the trust is broken it takes a lot of work to build it back. I am a laid back just let it go type of person. Only if something truly hurts me deeply do I struggle with it. Clearly, the miscarriage had a very big impact in my life. One that is taking more time than I expected to truly regain my life back. I still have days I find myself crying out of nowhere. They aren't as frequent but, still happen. When we lost that pregnancy I think we lost a little bit of ourselves too. 

As I have been slowly healing emotionally I am slowly re-building my trust in my own body. You have probably noticed I have been quieter on my Facebook page and Instagram with weight updates and this is why. Nothing very exciting happening on the scale these days! 

So, I decided to mix it up a bit. Ordered a new program that I think will really help get out some aggression and mix things up a bit! Les Mills Combat! Mixed martial art moves I think is just what I need! I am taking this week to learn the moves and proper form. When we get back from vacation we will start the program! 

I feel more in tuned lately and I am certain after our vacation next week I will feel right back to normal clean eating and fitness driven Ashley! 

Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over, instead of craving control over what you don't.